From June 2015
I'm drowning in the limitless sky; in the potential of not knowing what lies ahead. Cycles are funny. Especially when you find yourself in a situation you've been in before except this time your entire mindset has changed. That's where I am right now.
Five years ago I was back and forth between the Bay Area & Seattle, not knowing where my life was headed and scared to death. At the time, I was cynical of everything and everyone, couldn't imagine affording college, was working a shitty retail job, and at one point - homeless. And now I'm back on the west coast, except this time I have a Bachelor's Degree (thanks to a full ride to a great university) where I graduated top of my class, and a slew of skills up my sleeve that I know will lead to opportunity.
But I've had to learn (over and over again it seems) that things change, and nothing is permanent. When its time to leave, you just have to let shit go and keep moving.
That isn't to say I didn't experience a moment of sheer panic as I sat in a run down greyhound station with all my luggage. My mom looking at me concerned and saying she didn't know if she should leave me there. But after a moment I was okay. Actually - I felt good.
YES, THIS WAS FAMILIAR.
Once again I was surrounded by strangers - unsure of what could happen. I was without attachment or obligation and in that moment I felt both enormous and small. And honestly - I was completely humbled to be in that grungy little bus station.
I grabbed my journal, and wrote:
“Remind me never to feel bigger than the people I'm next to right now. Because I was never raised to feel entitled. I am exactly as they are: Black, Broke, & in Oakland. “
Traveling alone reminds me to recognize the brevity of every moment. Life is expansive and huge and I've got to recover from this tunnel vision; from limiting myself in order to accommodate someone who was too comfortable with being average. I can't live like that. So I had to leave and follow my intuition.